The wake-up call
Now, it didn't have to take a hard push to keep me back in perspective, or did it?
Schooling and making good grades was the norm - it always had. And I left school, certain that the plum jobs were waiting from me (indeed). Oh!! had I forgotten about the promise of a scholarship to study abroad - the Netherlands. I was dreaming and drooling at the thought. Oh Holland!!!! I saw myself in your beautiful sidewalks and your dairy farms - and yes, in one of your schools. All I was to do was make good grades and success was mine for the taking. I guess that was easy. 'Well, just get out 'n' grab it', I told myself. 'There's so much outside of school for you.'
*************************************************************************************
Three years later, all that I had expected and hoped for eluded me like snow would summer. Jobs? They seemed to keep their distance. The scholarships? Well, you know how relying on man's promises shove you in. 'Certainty'- that word didn't exist in my vocabulary anymore. With mocking self-disdain, I remembered a line from my speech at '73 minutes', the one memorable event that ushered me into the world of public speaking. I had said, 'challenges come so you can develop in you a fighting spirit. One that'll never die...' Now, where was the strength to fight? What happened to the will to persevere and keep the faith, while digging within to discover whatever else must have been hidden in the destructive depths of ease? I had to reinvent those things over. I had lost them.
Painfully, slowly, but with a crazy determination to survive, and thrive, I began to teach the teacher - me. I understood that the most helpful self-appraisals were sometimes birthed in the womb of despondency, in the twilight of helplessness. I re-discovered, that the tallest buildings were the ones with the deepest foundations, and that took time. What's more, I realised that most times the heart needed some painful seasons to learn to draw from the deep, and then it would have the road-map for life's journey.
************************************************************************************
It's no wonder that I find fulfillment in a completely different field from what I ever imagined doing. Now I'm ready to bend over backwards, and plunge into even greater depths to find more, because something has got to give and give it I will.
The fulfillment of finding and indeed re-discovering yourself is a continuous one. Don't ever get satisfied with your place of comfort!!!
(This is how I say, 'welcome back to my blog'. I've finally broken free!!!)
Schooling and making good grades was the norm - it always had. And I left school, certain that the plum jobs were waiting from me (indeed). Oh!! had I forgotten about the promise of a scholarship to study abroad - the Netherlands. I was dreaming and drooling at the thought. Oh Holland!!!! I saw myself in your beautiful sidewalks and your dairy farms - and yes, in one of your schools. All I was to do was make good grades and success was mine for the taking. I guess that was easy. 'Well, just get out 'n' grab it', I told myself. 'There's so much outside of school for you.'
*************************************************************************************
Three years later, all that I had expected and hoped for eluded me like snow would summer. Jobs? They seemed to keep their distance. The scholarships? Well, you know how relying on man's promises shove you in. 'Certainty'- that word didn't exist in my vocabulary anymore. With mocking self-disdain, I remembered a line from my speech at '73 minutes', the one memorable event that ushered me into the world of public speaking. I had said, 'challenges come so you can develop in you a fighting spirit. One that'll never die...' Now, where was the strength to fight? What happened to the will to persevere and keep the faith, while digging within to discover whatever else must have been hidden in the destructive depths of ease? I had to reinvent those things over. I had lost them.
Painfully, slowly, but with a crazy determination to survive, and thrive, I began to teach the teacher - me. I understood that the most helpful self-appraisals were sometimes birthed in the womb of despondency, in the twilight of helplessness. I re-discovered, that the tallest buildings were the ones with the deepest foundations, and that took time. What's more, I realised that most times the heart needed some painful seasons to learn to draw from the deep, and then it would have the road-map for life's journey.
************************************************************************************
It's no wonder that I find fulfillment in a completely different field from what I ever imagined doing. Now I'm ready to bend over backwards, and plunge into even greater depths to find more, because something has got to give and give it I will.
The fulfillment of finding and indeed re-discovering yourself is a continuous one. Don't ever get satisfied with your place of comfort!!!
(This is how I say, 'welcome back to my blog'. I've finally broken free!!!)
Comments